Denton's Real Feat
The Sun Herald
Sunday March 22, 1992
WHEN it comes to diluting the mucho-macho image of Rugby League, Tina Turner is being given too much credit.
Sure, she's done a lot to show the game is no longer the preserve of serious bull-necked men in blazers. But she's not the only one.
What about Andrew Denton?
Of course Denton's male. But serious (seriously?), bull-necked or blazered he most certainly is not. With the physique of a paddle-pop stick on steroids and the mind of a sensitively radical new-age man, the host of the ABC TV's Live and Sweaty is about as macho as a Tupperware party.
But strangely, he's become part of the League scene.
On first-name terms with Quaylie, on the invite list for club fund-raisers, even featuring in tipping competitions.
A lifelong League nut and chronic Souths' supporter, Denton's thrilled to find he's no longer the kid with his nose pressed up against the window-pane of footie stardom.
"At Souths the other night, I met McCarthy and Stevens. I grew up on those guys. Not that they noticed. They probably thought I was body lice or something," he said.
Just as surely as Tina's turning around the way we look at the game, Andrew's putting a dent in the way we think about it.
This week, I went head-to-warped-head with him, tackling some of the game's bigger issues:
Spillane: Do you see questions being asked in Parliament over Channel 9's heavily edited replays?
Denton: Well, it depends whether or not Kerry Packer wants questions asked in Parliament. They'd need to get permission from him first and that can take time. Meanwhile, I'm starting a campaign to have the 33 minutes of action edited out to be made available to the public. I want Free the 33 to be our slogan and I want people chanting it at games, public rallies and so on.
Spillane: What do you predict will be Wally Lewis's major problem as a captain-coach?
Denton: He'll have an identity crisis. Traditionally, Wally falls out with the coach because he sees things differently. One day, Wally will be giving his coach's half-time talk and instinctively, the captain in him will stir. He'll start arguing with himself. He may end up brawling with himself. Imagine the sight of Wally bringing himself off early in a game, then standing on the sideline raging at himself.
Spillane: What product would you next like to see Andrew Ettingshausen endorse?
Denton: He could do wonders with products the youth market hasn't really grabbed hold of yet. Like incontinence pants. ET could sell anything.
Spillane: Who will be the next Sydney radio announcer to coach a Winfield Cup team?
Denton: Brian Bury. They'll be the best-dressed team, calling to each other: "Let's go lovies |" and they'll wear bow-ties on their boots.
Spillane: Having flouted the salary cap to consolidate 15th last season, what do you think Parramatta need to do now?
Denton: For starters, get Craig Izzard back for a record fee, then check and see if Eric Grothe is actually retired or just out injured.
Spillane: Can Penrith defend their title without the try-scoring genius of Royce Simmons?
Denton: It'll be hard. Roycie knew the way to the tryline. He was the one who knew the tryline was that white thing right up the other end of the field. Without his experience, the Panthers could have trouble scoring. There could be a spate of players putting the ball down over the sideline and in the members' lounge.
Spillane: You're just bitter because Souths are going into another season stripped of talent?
Denton: Not so. I'm confident. I'm already on record as saying that if Souths don't win the premiership this year, they'll give the final 14 a real shake.
© 1992 The Sun Herald
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